Because.... [he trails off a moment, drawling the word out. Checking to see where Break is.] As annoyed as I get with you, and as much as I would love to crush a few people under my heel when I have a bad day at work, I don't have very many friends.
Actually, [a grin, as if it's a private joke between he and Al] I don't have any friends. Besides him. He's the only person who's ever insisted on being called that, and let's be honest, he doesn't need my protection anymore. So maybe I believe him more now than I did then. [His tone softens thoughtfully] ...things have changed.
Anyway, maybe if you'd spent enough time below the earth you'd realize sometimes it's better to play nice than to indulge a whim whenever you feel it.
He hasn't forgiven me. He never will, because he can't. Instead, he gets to feel miserable and guilty and ashamed that he cares about me at all. So that theory's a wash, care to try another?
I think that neither of us are right, or wrong. And I don't think even Break would be able to answer that question for us. But forgiveness is a thing with a lot of layers.
[He twirls a blade of grass between his fingers.] I wanted him to treat me with the same- Well. I wanted him to treat me equally. And he won't.
[He shrugs.] So I asked, and that's why. The shame. The guilt.
[He pictures angels, one-third of the Host, all dripping with guilt and fear and rage.] ...At least it hasn't turned to anger and blame, yet. When that happens, I always have my apathetic little brother to move in with. You know, he's fixing up the fairgrounds. I'm not into rides, but the carousel? Perfect.
Take a guess. [No, he means that. Guess. He's stuck between two opposing impulses, and isn't sure he ought to explain. So he uses the blade of grass as a whistle, and just watches Al.]
Or ask him. Or don't, I suppose. He cares enough about you that it clouds up his judgment. Makes him overly protective of you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2012-04-02 07:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-02 07:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-02 07:34 pm (UTC)Or other people for that matter.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-02 07:41 pm (UTC)Actually, [a grin, as if it's a private joke between he and Al] I don't have any friends. Besides him. He's the only person who's ever insisted on being called that, and let's be honest, he doesn't need my protection anymore. So maybe I believe him more now than I did then. [His tone softens thoughtfully] ...things have changed.
Anyway, maybe if you'd spent enough time below the earth you'd realize sometimes it's better to play nice than to indulge a whim whenever you feel it.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-02 07:44 pm (UTC)Do you think he wouldn't be your friend anymore, if you did something like that now?
no subject
Date: 2012-04-02 07:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 02:52 am (UTC)They say it's the most powerful grace.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 02:53 am (UTC)[Because no one, ever, has extended it to him besides Gabriel...and Gabriel just doesn't care. It's not the same thing.]
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 02:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:01 am (UTC)He sets his chin on his knees.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:04 am (UTC)I'm sure watching forgiveness for other people is supposed to have some kind of awe-inspiring, by proxy effect on me but...it really doesn't.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:07 am (UTC)Break forgave you.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:12 am (UTC)[He looks at Al keenly.]
He hasn't forgiven me. He never will, because he can't. Instead, he gets to feel miserable and guilty and ashamed that he cares about me at all. So that theory's a wash, care to try another?
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:18 am (UTC)I think that neither of us are right, or wrong. And I don't think even Break would be able to answer that question for us. But forgiveness is a thing with a lot of layers.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:22 am (UTC)... why?
[Because that's the sort of question you ask if you care about the answer.]
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:25 am (UTC)[Picking at the grass, but watching Al.]
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:27 am (UTC)[... it seems to bother Lucifer. Which makes Al a tiny bit sympathetic.]
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:33 am (UTC)Because I needed to know why he couldn't do something simple for me.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 03:53 am (UTC)[He shrugs.] So I asked, and that's why. The shame. The guilt.
[He pictures angels, one-third of the Host, all dripping with guilt and fear and rage.] ...At least it hasn't turned to anger and blame, yet. When that happens, I always have my apathetic little brother to move in with. You know, he's fixing up the fairgrounds. I'm not into rides, but the carousel? Perfect.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 04:05 am (UTC)Equal to what?
[This is the last he'll push. He's careful.]
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 04:10 am (UTC)Or ask him. Or don't, I suppose. He cares enough about you that it clouds up his judgment. Makes him overly protective of you.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 04:12 am (UTC)... to me?
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: