[ that can't be certain, and he's averting his gaze doubtfully, guiltily, a touch testily. he deflates, then, and opens his mouth as if he's about to say something, but instead his eyes clench and he drops his face against al's stomach. this time, he clings. ]
[ it's okay, they can just tell them the chicken had a wild night of intense partying.
with alois, there is an massive chance his constant pressing fear won't ever leave, but there are certain things than can make cracks in his walls. he's been, more or less, imprisoned for close to four years with no human contact at all other than the most godforsaken and terrible kind for one of it. al still makes him tense, but alois has exhausted himself since learning what he had and resting there against him, doing his best to make-believe al's hands are claude's, he finds his voice again. ]
Claude is really good with birds, I think he loves them. [ demons can't love, but it's an evident fondness. ] He takes such great care of the aviary, and I'd find him in there a lot, and the birds think so much of him. They comb his hair. [ 'I want to comb his hair.' ]
[ he's wonderingly and affectionately jealous of birds, to be sure. they get to sit on claude's shoulders and they get to go up in the sky, so how can he not be?
alois' heart strains. when he first makes to speak, it's too airy, but the second: ] Claude lied to me.
[ it's slow and quiet, as if he's still trying to untangle any sense in that statement. ]
He told me. [ his teeth set. a beat, then he's attempting again. ] He said that—
[ too much air goes in, his eyes are wider, and somehow he still has enough in him that he's looking through puddles again. ] He said that it was Sebastian Michaelis, that Sebastian ate Luca.
I don't know. [ somehow both weak and urgent, ] I don't know, I don't know.
I don't know what to do. I still want Claude, I feel sick all the time. I can't be without him. The ground feels closer to my feet. I can't taste anything.
[ he doesn't really confirm or deny it, not vocally, but his arms clutch more tightly and he hides his face against him. it's unsettling, because what does claude want? what is he after? even if he hates sebastian that much, why is he using alois to get to him? then, that, he's using him. what other conclusion is he supposed to draw? ]
You love Luca, [ he mumbles suddenly, like an after-thought. ] This is where he ended up, instead of a monster's stomach, and he seems ... He's bigger and he's really happy. Luca didn't have to hurt after he left me, did he? That's what I think. He's happy and he loves you.
I don't know a lot of people. It was dangerous for me to know people, but it doesn't matter because sometimes I'm not sure I'm a person at all.
[ it's weird to hold the body. it's more stiff. cooler under the feathers. his knees feel weak and he wants to vomit, wants to cry again, but instead he manages to keep quiet and still. he strokes feathers, and frowns at al when he sees the bag once he comes back. ]
It needs a burial. We have to ... I want to send it off.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-10-19 08:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-19 08:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-19 04:40 pm (UTC)with alois, there is an massive chance his constant pressing fear won't ever leave, but there are certain things than can make cracks in his walls. he's been, more or less, imprisoned for close to four years with no human contact at all other than the most godforsaken and terrible kind for one of it. al still makes him tense, but alois has exhausted himself since learning what he had and resting there against him, doing his best to make-believe al's hands are claude's, he finds his voice again. ]
Claude is really good with birds, I think he loves them. [ demons can't love, but it's an evident fondness. ] He takes such great care of the aviary, and I'd find him in there a lot, and the birds think so much of him. They comb his hair. [ 'I want to comb his hair.' ]
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Date: 2012-10-19 05:22 pm (UTC)[It's not so much accusatory as trying to understand.]
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Date: 2012-10-19 05:28 pm (UTC)alois' heart strains. when he first makes to speak, it's too airy, but the second: ] Claude lied to me.
[ it's slow and quiet, as if he's still trying to untangle any sense in that statement. ]
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Date: 2012-10-19 05:54 pm (UTC)[He tucks Alois' hair back from his face. It makes him look more like the little boy he knew.]
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Date: 2012-10-19 06:01 pm (UTC)[ too much air goes in, his eyes are wider, and somehow he still has enough in him that he's looking through puddles again. ] He said that it was Sebastian Michaelis, that Sebastian ate Luca.
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Date: 2012-10-19 06:02 pm (UTC)[... he knows Sebastian Michaelis. Sebastian Michaelis exists here in the city.]
-but it wasn't?
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Date: 2012-10-19 06:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-19 06:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-19 06:09 pm (UTC)I don't know what to do. I still want Claude, I feel sick all the time. I can't be without him. The ground feels closer to my feet. I can't taste anything.
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Date: 2012-10-19 06:12 pm (UTC)[The more he talks, the more Al puts it together. He keeps petting his hair lightly.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:14 am (UTC)You love Luca, [ he mumbles suddenly, like an after-thought. ] This is where he ended up, instead of a monster's stomach, and he seems ... He's bigger and he's really happy. Luca didn't have to hurt after he left me, did he? That's what I think. He's happy and he loves you.
I don't know a lot of people. It was dangerous for me to know people, but it doesn't matter because sometimes I'm not sure I'm a person at all.
[ objects get used, not human beings, right? ]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:17 am (UTC)Luca's happy, but he's missed you. You're definitely a person, and you can be one here.
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:27 am (UTC)It needs a burial. We have to ... I want to send it off.
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:30 am (UTC)[He finds himself relaxing -- Alois seems to think more of this now.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:32 am (UTC)Do we have flowers?
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:33 am (UTC)[He puts water onto the floor, scrubs up each and every drop of blood, finding each bit of feather.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:39 am (UTC)[He straightens up quickly.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
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