I don't know. [ somehow both weak and urgent, ] I don't know, I don't know.
I don't know what to do. I still want Claude, I feel sick all the time. I can't be without him. The ground feels closer to my feet. I can't taste anything.
[ he doesn't really confirm or deny it, not vocally, but his arms clutch more tightly and he hides his face against him. it's unsettling, because what does claude want? what is he after? even if he hates sebastian that much, why is he using alois to get to him? then, that, he's using him. what other conclusion is he supposed to draw? ]
You love Luca, [ he mumbles suddenly, like an after-thought. ] This is where he ended up, instead of a monster's stomach, and he seems ... He's bigger and he's really happy. Luca didn't have to hurt after he left me, did he? That's what I think. He's happy and he loves you.
I don't know a lot of people. It was dangerous for me to know people, but it doesn't matter because sometimes I'm not sure I'm a person at all.
[ it's weird to hold the body. it's more stiff. cooler under the feathers. his knees feel weak and he wants to vomit, wants to cry again, but instead he manages to keep quiet and still. he strokes feathers, and frowns at al when he sees the bag once he comes back. ]
It needs a burial. We have to ... I want to send it off.
[ he takes care with it, when placing the hen's body back on the floor, setting her up like she's sitting. afterward, he takes care of the spot al mentioned, any remaining, helps him generally get the kitchen back into an acceptable order.
cleaning is strange, and this is definitely, since his arriving, the only time he's done it willingly or without half-assing it. ]
[ ...! this stalls him, and al might get a couple steps or so ahead before alois regains composure and gently tugs the lapels of it closer around himself. he follows al to the edge of the property he mentioned before, saying nothing, tucking his chin into the coat, hyper-aware of the fabric against his knuckles where he keeps it clutched around himself. ]
[It's a relief to leave the house, and he leads the way first to the small tool shed to pick up a spade, then to a low copse of shrubbery with a small tree at the edge of the property. The branches have already shown signs of autumn. It's a pretty little place, out of the way.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-10-19 06:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-19 06:09 pm (UTC)I don't know what to do. I still want Claude, I feel sick all the time. I can't be without him. The ground feels closer to my feet. I can't taste anything.
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Date: 2012-10-19 06:12 pm (UTC)[The more he talks, the more Al puts it together. He keeps petting his hair lightly.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:14 am (UTC)You love Luca, [ he mumbles suddenly, like an after-thought. ] This is where he ended up, instead of a monster's stomach, and he seems ... He's bigger and he's really happy. Luca didn't have to hurt after he left me, did he? That's what I think. He's happy and he loves you.
I don't know a lot of people. It was dangerous for me to know people, but it doesn't matter because sometimes I'm not sure I'm a person at all.
[ objects get used, not human beings, right? ]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:17 am (UTC)Luca's happy, but he's missed you. You're definitely a person, and you can be one here.
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:27 am (UTC)It needs a burial. We have to ... I want to send it off.
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:30 am (UTC)[He finds himself relaxing -- Alois seems to think more of this now.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:32 am (UTC)Do we have flowers?
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:33 am (UTC)[He puts water onto the floor, scrubs up each and every drop of blood, finding each bit of feather.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:39 am (UTC)[He straightens up quickly.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:42 am (UTC)There's another spot over there-
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:45 am (UTC)cleaning is strange, and this is definitely, since his arriving, the only time he's done it willingly or without half-assing it. ]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:50 am (UTC)... all right. Go get my coat -- it's hanging on the back of the chair there. It's cold out.
[He points it out, and moves to gather up the remains of the hen.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:53 am (UTC)The morning is quiet and grey.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 07:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 07:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
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