[ it's weird to hold the body. it's more stiff. cooler under the feathers. his knees feel weak and he wants to vomit, wants to cry again, but instead he manages to keep quiet and still. he strokes feathers, and frowns at al when he sees the bag once he comes back. ]
It needs a burial. We have to ... I want to send it off.
[ he takes care with it, when placing the hen's body back on the floor, setting her up like she's sitting. afterward, he takes care of the spot al mentioned, any remaining, helps him generally get the kitchen back into an acceptable order.
cleaning is strange, and this is definitely, since his arriving, the only time he's done it willingly or without half-assing it. ]
[ ...! this stalls him, and al might get a couple steps or so ahead before alois regains composure and gently tugs the lapels of it closer around himself. he follows al to the edge of the property he mentioned before, saying nothing, tucking his chin into the coat, hyper-aware of the fabric against his knuckles where he keeps it clutched around himself. ]
[It's a relief to leave the house, and he leads the way first to the small tool shed to pick up a spade, then to a low copse of shrubbery with a small tree at the edge of the property. The branches have already shown signs of autumn. It's a pretty little place, out of the way.]
I think he'd like to be a bird- but really, he's more like a kitten. Curious about everything.
[He turns, and quietly hands Alois the spade. ... it's impossible to make this right. It kills him that something had to go through that pain. He's angry and worried and scared, knows that he's facing a true battle, but he doesn't believe that Alois is beyond help.
[ with nervous reluctance, alois takes hold of the spade's handle and it makes him feel icy to hold it, to know he's about to dig a grave. this is the least he can do, though. he isn't a sociopath or a lunatic.
deep breath, then he pierces the earth with the metal and not very much dirt is loosened. he frowns, bites into his tongue (it's a punishment) as harsh as possible, shrugs the coat off and attempts it again, straining his wrists to get the spade under grass and dirt. this time much more comes.
the work of it is infuriating. how long are small things like this going to remind him of what he learned? but, he can't bear thinking about going back inside until he knows the hen has flowers over it, so he works and works, biting down into his tongue more and more. his arms shake, he weeps without a sound, and he can taste salt and metallic in his mouth.
he manages a foot deep, before he's stopping, because it's grown difficult to see. shuddering breaths leave him, there's blood on the inner-edge of his lips, and he wipes the back of his hand over his eyes. ]
[It's slow going and difficult work even for an adult. The ground is starting to harden as it gets colder, and the early morning isn't a prime time for tilling the fields.
Al waits silently with him, listening to the spade work the dirt, and thinks of his mother's funeral and how the sounds remind him so much of the gravediggers working nearby.
Once Alois is done, kneels down next to him, puts a hand on the small of his back.]
[ it really, really shouldn't be this easy to make with teeth alone raw cuts across the tongue, both on top and bottom, but true self-loathing can make a person do a lot of things. he hasn't severed it, but he's somehow managed to ruin it enough for it keep bubbling up a little, not unlike a gash on the skin that takes a day to properly close itself.
tears sting, so he clenches his eyes shut and stifles a sob when he feels al's hand, shoulders shuddering. biting into it, hadn't hurt at all, and all he could think of was the contract and of claude, claude lying about the worst possible thing, his lack of being there, and alois' own stupid inability to let go or hate him properly.
his teeth aren't settled against tissue anymore, and it feels swollen and burns, and he swallows and swallows the tiny bursts of blood that come up, keeping a hand over his mouth. he wants to scream though. he wants ice water. he wants the whole damn thing removed entirely. he wants to be a headless hen. ]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:27 am (UTC)It needs a burial. We have to ... I want to send it off.
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:30 am (UTC)[He finds himself relaxing -- Alois seems to think more of this now.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:32 am (UTC)Do we have flowers?
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:33 am (UTC)[He puts water onto the floor, scrubs up each and every drop of blood, finding each bit of feather.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:39 am (UTC)[He straightens up quickly.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:42 am (UTC)There's another spot over there-
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:45 am (UTC)cleaning is strange, and this is definitely, since his arriving, the only time he's done it willingly or without half-assing it. ]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:50 am (UTC)... all right. Go get my coat -- it's hanging on the back of the chair there. It's cold out.
[He points it out, and moves to gather up the remains of the hen.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 06:53 am (UTC)The morning is quiet and grey.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 07:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 07:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 07:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 07:07 am (UTC)[He smiles, just a small bit.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 07:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 07:23 am (UTC)[He turns, and quietly hands Alois the spade. ... it's impossible to make this right. It kills him that something had to go through that pain. He's angry and worried and scared, knows that he's facing a true battle, but he doesn't believe that Alois is beyond help.
Today will be the first step.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 03:21 pm (UTC)deep breath, then he pierces the earth with the metal and not very much dirt is loosened. he frowns, bites into his tongue (it's a punishment) as harsh as possible, shrugs the coat off and attempts it again, straining his wrists to get the spade under grass and dirt. this time much more comes.
the work of it is infuriating. how long are small things like this going to remind him of what he learned? but, he can't bear thinking about going back inside until he knows the hen has flowers over it, so he works and works, biting down into his tongue more and more. his arms shake, he weeps without a sound, and he can taste salt and metallic in his mouth.
he manages a foot deep, before he's stopping, because it's grown difficult to see. shuddering breaths leave him, there's blood on the inner-edge of his lips, and he wipes the back of his hand over his eyes. ]
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Date: 2012-10-20 05:31 pm (UTC)Al waits silently with him, listening to the spade work the dirt, and thinks of his mother's funeral and how the sounds remind him so much of the gravediggers working nearby.
Once Alois is done, kneels down next to him, puts a hand on the small of his back.]
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Date: 2012-10-20 05:43 pm (UTC)tears sting, so he clenches his eyes shut and stifles a sob when he feels al's hand, shoulders shuddering. biting into it, hadn't hurt at all, and all he could think of was the contract and of claude, claude lying about the worst possible thing, his lack of being there, and alois' own stupid inability to let go or hate him properly.
his teeth aren't settled against tissue anymore, and it feels swollen and burns, and he swallows and swallows the tiny bursts of blood that come up, keeping a hand over his mouth. he wants to scream though. he wants ice water. he wants the whole damn thing removed entirely. he wants to be a headless hen. ]
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Date: 2012-10-20 06:03 pm (UTC)[Al reaches out to touch his cheek, his voice suddenly urgent and concerned.]
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