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[al_truism]

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[thelightbringer]

Because.... [he trails off a moment, drawling the word out. Checking to see where Break is.] As annoyed as I get with you, and as much as I would love to crush a few people under my heel when I have a bad day at work, I don't have very many friends.

Actually, [a grin, as if it's a private joke between he and Al] I don't have any friends. Besides him. He's the only person who's ever insisted on being called that, and let's be honest, he doesn't need my protection anymore. So maybe I believe him more now than I did then. [His tone softens thoughtfully] ...things have changed.

Anyway, maybe if you'd spent enough time below the earth you'd realize sometimes it's better to play nice than to indulge a whim whenever you feel it.

[al_truism]

[Al listens thoughtfully, arm wrapped around his legs, cheek on his knees.]

Do you think he wouldn't be your friend anymore, if you did something like that now?

[thelightbringer]

[He looks at Al levelly for a few moments.] Do I strike you as the sort of person who puts his faith in the healing power of forgiveness?

[al_truism]

[Al looks back at his shoes.]

They say it's the most powerful grace.

[thelightbringer]

I couldn't tell you. I've never seen it do anything.

[Because no one, ever, has extended it to him besides Gabriel...and Gabriel just doesn't care. It's not the same thing.]

[al_truism]

I have.

[thelightbringer]

Ah-hah. And the biggest thing you've forgiven?

[al_truism]

"My dad."

He sets his chin on his knees.

[thelightbringer]

But not me, huh? [Not the least bit surprised, or offended. Just pointing it out.]

I'm sure watching forgiveness for other people is supposed to have some kind of awe-inspiring, by proxy effect on me but...it really doesn't.

[al_truism]

[He just won't even touch that. He tries not to think about his father too much because there's nothing to be done about it.]

Break forgave you.

[thelightbringer]

Forgave me for what? I've never hurt him.

[He looks at Al keenly.]

He hasn't forgiven me. He never will, because he can't. Instead, he gets to feel miserable and guilty and ashamed that he cares about me at all. So that theory's a wash, care to try another?

[al_truism]

[Al flicks a pebble at him.]

I think that neither of us are right, or wrong. And I don't think even Break would be able to answer that question for us. But forgiveness is a thing with a lot of layers.

[thelightbringer]

I've asked him. [Hollowly. So Break has answered it already.]

[al_truism]

[Al sets his cheek on his knees and just looks at him.]

... why?

[Because that's the sort of question you ask if you care about the answer.]

[thelightbringer]

Why what? Why did I ask him? Why can't he forgive me?

[Picking at the grass, but watching Al.]

[al_truism]

Why did you ask him?

[... it seems to bother Lucifer. Which makes Al a tiny bit sympathetic.]

[thelightbringer]

[Lucifer is tempted to try to shrug this off. Laugh, even. But he knows Al has seen enough it would just make it worse.]

Because I needed to know why he couldn't do something simple for me.

[al_truism]

May I ask? Or is this the point where I back off?

[thelightbringer]

[He twirls a blade of grass between his fingers.] I wanted him to treat me with the same- Well. I wanted him to treat me equally. And he won't.

[He shrugs.] So I asked, and that's why. The shame. The guilt.

[He pictures angels, one-third of the Host, all dripping with guilt and fear and rage.] ...At least it hasn't turned to anger and blame, yet. When that happens, I always have my apathetic little brother to move in with. You know, he's fixing up the fairgrounds. I'm not into rides, but the carousel? Perfect.

[al_truism]

[Al just watches him, ignoring the attempt to change the subject.]

Equal to what?

[This is the last he'll push. He's careful.]

[thelightbringer]

Take a guess. [No, he means that. Guess. He's stuck between two opposing impulses, and isn't sure he ought to explain. So he uses the blade of grass as a whistle, and just watches Al.]

Or ask him. Or don't, I suppose. He cares enough about you that it clouds up his judgment. Makes him overly protective of you.

[al_truism]

[The juxtaposition between the two subjects makes him frown a little. But his eyes widen.]

... to me?

[thelightbringer]

...No, the equality wasn't about you. The reason I'm here talking to you instead of him? That's because of his misplaced protectiveness. And fear of you, I think. Of what you think of him. Same thing, really.

[al_truism]

Good. Because that wouldn't have made sense.

[Al looks down at his feel.]

We had a talk. He's still feeling like that, huh?

[thelightbringer]

He probably always will. He wants you around, he's sure you'll leave...he's afraid of giving you a reason to go. But you already know that.