[He motions Al over to take a seat on a low, crumbling wall.]
But you know, part of maturity means a certain amount of 'compromise'. Some people would call it 'deception'. For instance: 'I want you to be happy, Xerxes' is more mature than telling him that it rips you up a little when you think about it.
It's not a lie, wanting him to be happy. And even if he weren't with someone- I wouldn't do that to Negi.
[He eyes the seat, then takes it.]
Break is -- I love him dearly, but our personalities are better suited to friendship. I know I wouldn't be able to meet every need he has, and I know that part of him would always... it means less from me. My forgiveness. I can't touch any of the darker parts of him, because he'll lock them up tight, away from me.
So I'd never be able to heal him. Not completely.
[It's taken him ages to understand this, but he has.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 02:49 am (UTC)Softly.
"Not with only a message. I won't do that to them again."
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Date: 2012-03-18 02:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 02:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 02:55 am (UTC)Are you an idiot.
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Date: 2012-03-18 03:00 am (UTC)It pains him, and it shows.
"I won't say a word, but I'll have advance warning if something goes wrong, and I'll know how to keep the others safe."
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Date: 2012-03-18 03:03 am (UTC)Again, no bitterness. He could almost have ruffled Al's hair and cooed it at him. He taps his chin thoughtfully.
"What else was I going to say to you...."
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Date: 2012-03-18 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 03:10 am (UTC)Dismissing him.
"Oh, your journals. For Castiel."
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Date: 2012-03-18 03:17 am (UTC)I copied over the relevant entries. They're unchanged. He's free to keep these.
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Date: 2012-03-18 03:20 am (UTC)[He takes the entries, glances them over.]
You understand if I can't tell you when we're going. Not that it's decided who is going, yet.
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Date: 2012-03-18 03:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 03:25 am (UTC)[He stifles a laugh]
No. It's for the same reason I don't want you flapping your lips to anyone about this.
[He might not even tell Xerxes.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 04:34 am (UTC)[And so he can say goodbye to Break. He's not guarding those thoughts, not now.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 04:42 am (UTC)[That's as much of a compromise as he'll give.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 05:05 am (UTC)[He would have tried to be sympathetic a week ago. Now he doesn't bother.]
Speaking of, I heard you got a chance to talk to him.
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 05:07 am (UTC)[All ears. Like a good friend.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:08 am (UTC)[Al doesn't look too happy himself, but.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:10 am (UTC)[Lucifer isn't mocking him. Actually, the way his posture changes makes him very subtly, almost subconsciously inviting.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:12 am (UTC)I also confessed that I'd always had feelings for him but was too far in denial to even realize it.
[Lucifer will ferret it out if he doesn't say it, he figures. Unpleasantly.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 05:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 05:19 am (UTC)[He motions Al over to take a seat on a low, crumbling wall.]
But you know, part of maturity means a certain amount of 'compromise'. Some people would call it 'deception'. For instance: 'I want you to be happy, Xerxes' is more mature than telling him that it rips you up a little when you think about it.
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:27 am (UTC)[He eyes the seat, then takes it.]
Break is -- I love him dearly, but our personalities are better suited to friendship. I know I wouldn't be able to meet every need he has, and I know that part of him would always... it means less from me. My forgiveness. I can't touch any of the darker parts of him, because he'll lock them up tight, away from me.
So I'd never be able to heal him. Not completely.
[It's taken him ages to understand this, but he has.]
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