[He motions Al over to take a seat on a low, crumbling wall.]
But you know, part of maturity means a certain amount of 'compromise'. Some people would call it 'deception'. For instance: 'I want you to be happy, Xerxes' is more mature than telling him that it rips you up a little when you think about it.
It's not a lie, wanting him to be happy. And even if he weren't with someone- I wouldn't do that to Negi.
[He eyes the seat, then takes it.]
Break is -- I love him dearly, but our personalities are better suited to friendship. I know I wouldn't be able to meet every need he has, and I know that part of him would always... it means less from me. My forgiveness. I can't touch any of the darker parts of him, because he'll lock them up tight, away from me.
So I'd never be able to heal him. Not completely.
[It's taken him ages to understand this, but he has.]
[Lucifer's gaze grows very cold, and very dark as he listens. It's only through an almost visible act of will that he manages an expression that wouldn't make the birds go still.]
Mm [thinking] no, I'm not. I think you don't understand all of what 'healing' means. But then, he does hide a lot of those darker parts from you already.
I do, and you won't. Not... [He doesn't want to just say 'you can't' but it's true. Al is not an angel. Al has never been to Hell. Al doesn't see those dark places in Break as things worth keeping.]
Because he's suicidal. Or was. And he just didn't care, and you were fun. And then it was partly to protect people. And then because he liked you. And then because he understood you.
It shouldn't be any surprise, then, that I like that bits of him that didn't care. There aren't a lot of people here, Al, and even fewer I can work with.
[He leaves it at that. He and Break have (more or less) sorted it out, and he's made the decision to just let things be and trust that they'll end up in his favor.
Besides, loving something doesn't matter if you don't love it enough. I don't mean about Xerxes--I mean it about all of you. All of us, because the stories I could tell about angels who didn't care enough...
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 05:19 am (UTC)[He motions Al over to take a seat on a low, crumbling wall.]
But you know, part of maturity means a certain amount of 'compromise'. Some people would call it 'deception'. For instance: 'I want you to be happy, Xerxes' is more mature than telling him that it rips you up a little when you think about it.
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:27 am (UTC)[He eyes the seat, then takes it.]
Break is -- I love him dearly, but our personalities are better suited to friendship. I know I wouldn't be able to meet every need he has, and I know that part of him would always... it means less from me. My forgiveness. I can't touch any of the darker parts of him, because he'll lock them up tight, away from me.
So I'd never be able to heal him. Not completely.
[It's taken him ages to understand this, but he has.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:29 am (UTC)You think he needs healing from a relationship.
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:31 am (UTC)[But he notices. Al always notices, and he watches him, waiting patiently for him to tell him what's wrong.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:32 am (UTC)Well, how lucky you are, then.
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:34 am (UTC)[Because that came out of nowhere.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 05:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 05:41 am (UTC)[Seriously, why are you open ears for this from Satan?]
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:43 am (UTC)It makes me curious.
[And want to prove him wrong. A little pride.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:50 am (UTC)Why do you think he sought me out?
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Date: 2012-03-18 05:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 05:57 am (UTC)[He leaves it at that. He and Break have (more or less) sorted it out, and he's made the decision to just let things be and trust that they'll end up in his favor.
It's about as easy as it sounds.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 06:00 am (UTC)[He smiles, a touch pained. Because this is why he loves him.]
He can look at anyone, good or bad, no matter what's happened. And he can find something to love about them.
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Date: 2012-03-18 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 06:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 06:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 06:06 am (UTC)Even if love without limits can be just as dangerous.
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Date: 2012-03-18 06:09 am (UTC)[He hears Michael's voice echoing, and has to look at Al to begin to remember where he is.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 06:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 06:19 am (UTC)What's your take on all this?
['All this' meaning anything, anything at all. He just needs whoever this is to talk.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 06:21 am (UTC)I don't approve. But I think he's... good for you, more than you're bad for him. Most of the time.
I wish you two weren't taking this risk, but I understand why. And everyone else it too afraid to try anything. I'm willing to do my part.
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Date: 2012-03-18 06:23 am (UTC)[He's watching the other side of the wall, out toward the mountains. And he's relatively sure this is someone he knows. An angel.]
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Date: 2012-03-18 06:24 am (UTC)[Gently. He's fairly sure they're talking about the same thing.]
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