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al_truism

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From:

thelightbringer

[Lucifer nods. He probably won't mention this conversation at all, but if he does he'll simply tell Break to ask Al himself.]

From:

al_truism

...

Then incident when he allowed you to touch his soul. It shook my faith in him that he'd allow anyone to do that.

[That sounds like the kind of stupid thing Al would do himself, frankly.]

From:

thelightbringer

[And Lucifer knows it. He gives him a distinctly annoyed look.]

What he did made sure none of you would be hurt. It also showed he's willing to do things he wouldn't ask anyone else to do.

You cut him out of your little pool because he saved the city, and spared my life?

From:

al_truism

He did it to save you. He would have done it if nothing else were a factor. He admitted that to me.

His judgment is compromised because he is that close to you. Because he would risk death to save you.

[Al crosses his arms over his stomach. He sounds... more apologetic than anything. There isn't any anger, jealousy or hatred to him right now. Just sadness, a touch of regret.]

You are still who you are, even if you've agreed to honor his wishes for the time being. I have no illusions about that.

From:

thelightbringer

You would have done exactly the same thing for Negi.

[Lucifer spits out the retort and doesn't look for a second like he wants to take it back.]

You can't fault someone for being compassionate unless you want to let this place be run by a machine. And yes. I am exactly who I am. But you don't know who that is; he does. And if I stepped out of line, he would be the first one there to try to stop me. Right alongside my own brothers.

If you think he wouldn't, then...[his turn to sound apologetic] Well, then you don't know him, either.

From:

al_truism

Negi's earned that from me, partly through not torturing people.

He is compassionate. But he wouldn't do that for everybody in this city. Instead he picks the person who actively enjoys hurting others and isn't apologetic about it.

[Al's voice loses all its heat.]

And I don't doubt him. He'd also die protecting this city from you if he had to, and I know that that knowledge is part of what keeps you from doing what you used to.

From:

thelightbringer

Xerxes isn't a saint, but you don't hold that over his head. If it had turned out the way he had wanted, he would never have become apologetic over what he did. Believe it or not, Al, just because I'm not groveling in glass for you or weeping for my 'sins' doesn't mean I haven't changed.

If you're going to judge him for my choices, you don't deserve to be making any decisions anyway. And you certainly don't deserve him.

From:

al_truism

I don't hold it over his head because he's aware that what he's done was wrong, and he feels regret, feels pain. He would have felt that pain, even if things turned out the way he thought it would.

If you even cared about the people you hurt, maybe I'd feel differently about you too. And I have never once loved him less for his choices, even if I've never agreed with them, but trust has nothing to do with love, which you should be aware of.

[Al has to fight to keep from raising his voice.]

And I am well aware of what I do and do not deserve.

From:

thelightbringer

Trust. Has nothing to do with love. [There's so much scorn, so much disgust in his tone the words feel thick as he says them.] Are you always this naive or am I just riling you up too much to think about what you're saying?

--Never mind. Don't answer that. If you want to know why he trusts me, and not you, this is it. Whether you say it or not, he feels it.

From:

al_truism

I love Luca endlessly, but I would not trust him to make certain decisions either. I love Negi and Ed, but I would not trust them to keep their heads straight if I were to die.

You're seeing things in my words that I'm not saying and don't mean.

From:

thelightbringer

No...no, I'm seeing you, looking at something you don't understand, and making a snap judgment. Judge me all you want, but he knows me and you don't.

I'm seeing you hurting the only person here who is trustworthy, because you're too biased and apparently too young to grasp it.

[A humorless chuckle] I think even you can understand if I'm a little cranky because of it.

From:

al_truism

You give me all this grief about not knowing you, when you've never shown me anything but this. I have no reason to trust you. I wouldn't be here talking to you right now, alone, in the dark, if I didn't believe in Break.

You call me biased and judgmental for not agreeing to forget all about the things you've done, and for questioning the judgment of someone I care about in one crucial area that isn't even consequential unless he's in a position he isn't actually in.

You're upset on Break's behalf. I don't blame you, and I hate not trusting him in this one area. It makes me sick at heart, and that is why I will never talk to him about it -- because I know it would hurt him.

You asked a question. I answered.

[Al turns away, rubbing his arms against the cold.]

From:

thelightbringer

I don't care if you forget what I've done. You don't like me, and I don't cry myself to sleep over it. What I'm 'upset' about isn't that you hate me, or hate my relationship with Xerxes. I'm upset that you think it's completely valid to dismiss him because he saved me. He also saved the city, and yes, I know. He would have done it for me anyway.

You know what? That's why I've let you all live. Him. Not Rei and her pyrophilia. Not you, not Negi. If he hadn't come to me, I wouldn't have anyone left. And then where do you think you'd be, Al?

And let me just say, again. Just because you're so clever and haven't said it doesn't mean he doesn't already know.

But what do I know. You, clearly, know exactly what you're doing. You've got it all under control. Right?

From:

al_truism

... he's come to you about this. People not trusting him.

[God, he wants to cry. Of course.]

From:

thelightbringer

You're surprised? Who else is there? I'm the only one who's never lied to him or hidden things from him. So go on, professor, tell me again that trust and love can be exclusive.

You know- I hoped that when I asked you, you'd prove me right, instead of him. But God knows I should've known better than to have faith in a human child.

[A cold smirk tugs at his mouth as he rounds on Al.]

And if I'm not going to run back home to tell him he's right and you think less of him because of me...you'll return the favor and keep this between us bosom buddies. Won't you, Al?

From:

al_truism

I never once said I thought less of him, so don't give me that.

[Al stops walking, finally turning to face him.]

I tried to keep this from him because it would serve literally no purpose but to hurt him. Would you rather I had a good long talk with him and explained it? I'm more interested in sparing him needless pain than I am in being morally superior-

[He cuts off, all the anger fleeting, leaving him with the sadness and guilt of knowing that Break's in pain. That he's hurting him all over again.]

... sometimes, there are no right decisions, are there?

From:

thelightbringer

He is in pain, you stupid little roach. [Lucifer doesn't raise his voice at all. It's just calm, every syllable as solid as a stone.]

He's hurting because you're disgusted with him for saving someone he loves. You don't have to say you think less of him; even I can tell!

And don't you dare try to brush this off as just a 'rock and a hard place'. There was a right decision, but you're too late to make it.