I love Luca endlessly, but I would not trust him to make certain decisions either. I love Negi and Ed, but I would not trust them to keep their heads straight if I were to die.
You're seeing things in my words that I'm not saying and don't mean.
You give me all this grief about not knowing you, when you've never shown me anything but this. I have no reason to trust you. I wouldn't be here talking to you right now, alone, in the dark, if I didn't believe in Break.
You call me biased and judgmental for not agreeing to forget all about the things you've done, and for questioning the judgment of someone I care about in one crucial area that isn't even consequential unless he's in a position he isn't actually in.
You're upset on Break's behalf. I don't blame you, and I hate not trusting him in this one area. It makes me sick at heart, and that is why I will never talk to him about it -- because I know it would hurt him.
You asked a question. I answered.
[Al turns away, rubbing his arms against the cold.]
I don't care if you forget what I've done. You don't like me, and I don't cry myself to sleep over it. What I'm 'upset' about isn't that you hate me, or hate my relationship with Xerxes. I'm upset that you think it's completely valid to dismiss him because he saved me. He also saved the city, and yes, I know. He would have done it for me anyway.
You know what? That's why I've let you all live. Him. Not Rei and her pyrophilia. Not you, not Negi. If he hadn't come to me, I wouldn't have anyone left. And then where do you think you'd be, Al?
And let me just say, again. Just because you're so clever and haven't said it doesn't mean he doesn't already know.
But what do I know. You, clearly, know exactly what you're doing. You've got it all under control. Right?
You're surprised? Who else is there? I'm the only one who's never lied to him or hidden things from him. So go on, professor, tell me again that trust and love can be exclusive.
You know- I hoped that when I asked you, you'd prove me right, instead of him. But God knows I should've known better than to have faith in a human child.
[A cold smirk tugs at his mouth as he rounds on Al.]
And if I'm not going to run back home to tell him he's right and you think less of him because of me...you'll return the favor and keep this between us bosom buddies. Won't you, Al?
I never once said I thought less of him, so don't give me that.
[Al stops walking, finally turning to face him.]
I tried to keep this from him because it would serve literally no purpose but to hurt him. Would you rather I had a good long talk with him and explained it? I'm more interested in sparing him needless pain than I am in being morally superior-
[He cuts off, all the anger fleeting, leaving him with the sadness and guilt of knowing that Break's in pain. That he's hurting him all over again.]
... sometimes, there are no right decisions, are there?
[He cuts off, honestly stumped. What can he say to make this better? Anything? How can he reassure Break that he loves him regardless of his decisions? That he would trust him with his life, utterly?]
I don't know. But if he knows, then there's no point in me keeping silent on the subject. If he's alone in his head with it, it will be worse.
[He thinks of how Break reached for him when he woke up. How in that moment when Al had actually considered walking away, Break had needed him. He could never walk away. Not if Break still wanted him there.]
[Lucifer watches him, feeling...he's not sure what, exactly. It's conflicted. Things are easier if Break is isolated. But they're also not real. And part of him wants to prove that being with Lucifer does not mean everything else falls apart.]
Good. But give it a moment. Talk shop with me, and then I'll take you to him myself. Deal?
Guns, and advanced robotics. The last time I was in the compound, they had robotic versions of the lesser dinosaurs. They were stronger than the real ones.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 03:10 am (UTC)You're seeing things in my words that I'm not saying and don't mean.
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Date: 2012-03-29 03:15 am (UTC)I'm seeing you hurting the only person here who is trustworthy, because you're too biased and apparently too young to grasp it.
[A humorless chuckle] I think even you can understand if I'm a little cranky because of it.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 03:27 am (UTC)You call me biased and judgmental for not agreeing to forget all about the things you've done, and for questioning the judgment of someone I care about in one crucial area that isn't even consequential unless he's in a position he isn't actually in.
You're upset on Break's behalf. I don't blame you, and I hate not trusting him in this one area. It makes me sick at heart, and that is why I will never talk to him about it -- because I know it would hurt him.
You asked a question. I answered.
[Al turns away, rubbing his arms against the cold.]
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 03:34 am (UTC)You know what? That's why I've let you all live. Him. Not Rei and her pyrophilia. Not you, not Negi. If he hadn't come to me, I wouldn't have anyone left. And then where do you think you'd be, Al?
And let me just say, again. Just because you're so clever and haven't said it doesn't mean he doesn't already know.
But what do I know. You, clearly, know exactly what you're doing. You've got it all under control. Right?
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 03:36 am (UTC)[God, he wants to cry. Of course.]
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 03:42 am (UTC)You know- I hoped that when I asked you, you'd prove me right, instead of him. But God knows I should've known better than to have faith in a human child.
[A cold smirk tugs at his mouth as he rounds on Al.]
And if I'm not going to run back home to tell him he's right and you think less of him because of me...you'll return the favor and keep this between us bosom buddies. Won't you, Al?
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 03:53 am (UTC)[Al stops walking, finally turning to face him.]
I tried to keep this from him because it would serve literally no purpose but to hurt him. Would you rather I had a good long talk with him and explained it? I'm more interested in sparing him needless pain than I am in being morally superior-
[He cuts off, all the anger fleeting, leaving him with the sadness and guilt of knowing that Break's in pain. That he's hurting him all over again.]
... sometimes, there are no right decisions, are there?
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 03:59 am (UTC)He's hurting because you're disgusted with him for saving someone he loves. You don't have to say you think less of him; even I can tell!
And don't you dare try to brush this off as just a 'rock and a hard place'. There was a right decision, but you're too late to make it.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:11 am (UTC)[Stepping closer.]
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:14 am (UTC)No, you're not. He's asleep and if you have any common sense in that walnut you carry on your shoulders, you'll let him stay that way.
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Date: 2012-03-29 04:18 am (UTC)[He starts walking again.]
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Date: 2012-03-29 04:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:24 am (UTC)[He cuts off, honestly stumped. What can he say to make this better? Anything? How can he reassure Break that he loves him regardless of his decisions? That he would trust him with his life, utterly?]
I don't know. But if he knows, then there's no point in me keeping silent on the subject. If he's alone in his head with it, it will be worse.
[He thinks of how Break reached for him when he woke up. How in that moment when Al had actually considered walking away, Break had needed him. He could never walk away. Not if Break still wanted him there.]
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:27 am (UTC)Good. But give it a moment. Talk shop with me, and then I'll take you to him myself. Deal?
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:28 am (UTC)[He could use some time to calm down anyway.]
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:30 am (UTC)How formal should we be with the Scientists?
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:31 am (UTC)Being respectful and non-accusatory is always a good start. Emphasize your desire to work with them and share information.
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Date: 2012-03-29 04:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 04:55 am (UTC)What sort of weapons will we probably have to watch for?
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Date: 2012-03-29 04:56 am (UTC)Traps.
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