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[al_truism]

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[al_truism]

... I didn't have a home when I was your age. I spent most of my time riding on trains. Or walking.

[ex_apricots766]

With Ed? Did you get to see a lot of places and talk to a lot of people?

[ uhhh not being prematurely jealous is really difficult. ]

[al_truism]

The first time around, yes- the second, I was alone.

[ex_apricots766]

[ his hands still and his face comes up instantly. there's a frown, then he's reaching over to take al's hand, and it's like he would with luca, were he trying to reassure him. soon, it's al's whole arm, and then alois' cheek is against his leg. ]

You're the bravest person I know, Al. Next to Luca.

[al_truism]

[Al half-laughs and touches a thumb to his cheek.]

Thank you. I'm glad you have faith in me.

[ex_apricots766]

... Why wasn't Ed with you? [ peeking at him. ] Do you want to tell me about it?

[al_truism]

... because everyone told me he'd died, and I'd lost my memories of the past five years. So I went looking for him.

[ex_apricots766]

[ it sounds profoundly, fearfully personal and he can't honestly imagine it. it's the worst thing: to remember everything in excruciating vividness. not only sights, but the scent of things or sensation of things against skin.

still, to lose that chunk of time and be told something so horrific. well, alois would have looked for luca just the same but still. ]

Did you find him?

[al_truism]

[He smiles, very softly.]

Yes, I did.

[Even though it took three years.]

[ex_apricots766]

He wasn't dead. [ what he wants is for it to sound relieved, but he's imagining luca's corpse, and so it comes somewhat blankly. ]

[al_truism]

He wasn't dead.

[ex_apricots766]

A good ending, [ he tells the ceiling. ]

[al_truism]

... Luca's not dead here.

[ex_apricots766]

I have this— A lot of the time, I think I've completely lost it. He's corporeal. I can even feel his breath sometimes, if he's close enough, and laughing. When we were small, it was my favorite part of the cold season. I'd think, 'make sure he's laughing again tomorrow.'

Here, I ... I close my eyes, or he goes around a corner, and it's like I forget that he knows how to tie his shoes, now, and read letters, and even scold me for being an arse.

[ his cheeks are wet. ]

[al_truism]

... it will only get better from here.

[Al wipes his tears with a small smile.]

[ex_apricots766]

[ it's gotten easier and easier, little by little. he nods. sighs. ]

Thank you for my train. I do really love it.

[al_truism]

I'm glad you do. Does your head ache?

[From crying.]

[ex_apricots766]

Mm. A little.

[al_truism]

Some water?

[He holds out his hand.]

... or strawberry milk. I won't tell Ed.

[ex_apricots766]

[ scrambling to sit up. ] Strawberry milk, please.

[al_truism]

Okay, but be quiet.

[ex_apricots766]

Would he knock our ears if he found us out? [ it's a whisper. ]

[al_truism]

He'd make a noise.

[Actually he probably wouldn't care but still.]

[ex_apricots766]

[ the quietest beaming. he takes hold of al's hand, gladly. there's something so exciting about sharing secrets with someone else, especially if it has the potential to get them into trouble. ]

[al_truism]

[That's really the whole point. Al grew up with a brother, he knows the value of little harmless secrets, how special they are. He leads him down the hallway quietly, putting a finger to his lips with a smile.]