A lot of reasons. [None of which he really wants to share, but he has to pick at least one.]
Look, I know you're all hoping that because I like him, I'll see the good in humanity. But here's the thing: he's the exception. Being with him has made it more obvious what a waste of space humans are. None of you are like him.
But he cares about you, and he puts a lot of his worth in what he can do for other people. So I try to let him have his community. I don't want to break him, Al.
And what makes a better gift than, 'I let your friend punch me in the face and still chose not to turn him inside out'?
[He hopes for a long of things. None of which seem like they're going to happen.]
... I honestly don't know anymore.
[It's tangled up in a lot of things. He'd thought that Lucifer might be starting to care a little. It put Al in a position to trust him, just a small bit. But now it looks like that slipped away.]
It's not fair of me to expect you to change who you are to suit me, but-
I can't in good conscience invest myself, as much as I might want to.
I know you can't. [And for a second he sounds truly, earnestly sorry about that.]
That's one of the things that went so wrong with Jinx. I think everyone wants to believe they can change someone. Especially someone everyone else thinks is irredeemable.
[He offers Al a small, sad smile.]
But I am who I am. ...Do you know why I kept talking to you?
Because I hoped you'd be more practical and less fear-blind than your friends. And you were.
You may want me to change, but you don't expect me to. And I hoped you wouldn't act betrayed when I didn't warp my personality to make you like me.
That and--whether it's because you act like my brother, or because of all that other stuff about you not expecting things from me? I don't have to tiptoe with you. I can make you so angry you see red, and we'll still end up like this.
[He shrugs, not really seeing the difference between a limbless marionette and an eyeless bear. There are worse things here--but Al wants to preserve 'innocence', and that's not something Lucifer is up for debating.
He gets up, deciding it's high time he vanished. He doesn't need to start bruising in front of anyone else right now, when he doesn't even know how to deal with being...not mortal, but close to it.]
Try not to destroy it when you check it over for drugs and needles~
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timeasmymeasure
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-02 08:19 am (UTC)[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-02 08:22 am (UTC)Re: [Offline]
Date: 2012-06-02 11:25 pm (UTC)Look, I know you're all hoping that because I like him, I'll see the good in humanity. But here's the thing: he's the exception. Being with him has made it more obvious what a waste of space humans are. None of you are like him.
But he cares about you, and he puts a lot of his worth in what he can do for other people. So I try to let him have his community. I don't want to break him, Al.
And what makes a better gift than, 'I let your friend punch me in the face and still chose not to turn him inside out'?
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-02 11:32 pm (UTC)I'm hoping that you'll love him enough to want to see what he sees. He is different.
... that's why I started talking to you. Even with the things you'd done.
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-02 11:41 pm (UTC)[It's hard to like someone when you see every temptation hanging over every person's head.]
Why did you keep talking to me? Same reason?
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-02 11:42 pm (UTC)Partially.
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-02 11:44 pm (UTC)[He sits again under the tree and peers up at Al.]
And partially Joshua?
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-02 11:51 pm (UTC)[He hopes for a long of things. None of which seem like they're going to happen.]
... I honestly don't know anymore.
[It's tangled up in a lot of things. He'd thought that Lucifer might be starting to care a little. It put Al in a position to trust him, just a small bit. But now it looks like that slipped away.]
It's not fair of me to expect you to change who you are to suit me, but-
I can't in good conscience invest myself, as much as I might want to.
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-02 11:54 pm (UTC)That's one of the things that went so wrong with Jinx. I think everyone wants to believe they can change someone. Especially someone everyone else thinks is irredeemable.
[He offers Al a small, sad smile.]
But I am who I am. ...Do you know why I kept talking to you?
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-02 11:59 pm (UTC)[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:03 am (UTC)You may want me to change, but you don't expect me to. And I hoped you wouldn't act betrayed when I didn't warp my personality to make you like me.
That and--whether it's because you act like my brother, or because of all that other stuff about you not expecting things from me? I don't have to tiptoe with you. I can make you so angry you see red, and we'll still end up like this.
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:06 am (UTC)[He's trying not to smile, as sad and hurting as it is.]
And I'm not sorry for punching you.
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:08 am (UTC)[He admits this softly, not caring if the words become lost in the summer air.]
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:10 am (UTC)I was expecting you to kill me when I punched you.
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:11 am (UTC)[He only has so much patience.]
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:14 am (UTC)[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:15 am (UTC)[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:21 am (UTC)I might -- tell Xerxes, but that's it.
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:23 am (UTC)I'll tell him. He'll probably come make sure I wasn't lying about not hurting you, you can...talk to him then.
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:25 am (UTC)... do you mind if I sew eyes on this bear? I don't want Luca to have nightmares.
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:26 am (UTC)Believe it or not, the other stuffed animals were worse.
[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 12:30 am (UTC)[Offline]
Date: 2012-06-03 01:08 am (UTC)He gets up, deciding it's high time he vanished. He doesn't need to start bruising in front of anyone else right now, when he doesn't even know how to deal with being...not mortal, but close to it.]
Try not to destroy it when you check it over for drugs and needles~
[And with that he's gone.]