[ he has to take a moment or two to gather himself, swallow down stones in his empty-dry-well throat, and make where he can speak coherently enough again. ]
The most, [ 'The most'. he's afraid of everything. he laughs a lot, that's true, and sometimes there's a mischievous glint in his eyes, but that fear is restricting, persistent, it won't leave. al terrifies him. he sees how he is with luca, how good he is, how he is now. patient and with a warm presence, and alois won't dare move out from under the table because he can't understand how people can be so good.
it's not unlike hannah. he doesn't understand people like her or al and they're the most horrifying, because of their softness, their abundant patience, and because alois is a child who expects to be brutally reprimanded when he's made someone unhappy or told he's 'beautiful,' before being thrown aside.
he's disgusting. ]
I'm vulgar. I have such terrible hands, they've done a lot of terrible things. I shouldn't be— ... I hate it when things stop moving. I hate my terrible hands, I'm really.
[ conveying things is difficult! ]
I didn't want to be the only one who can't look at the sky, and I was— I'm fucking angry, I can't stop— I can't punish Claude, and it's a bird, and my hands are awful, I'm really awful.
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Date: 2012-10-19 12:39 am (UTC)The most, [ 'The most'. he's afraid of everything. he laughs a lot, that's true, and sometimes there's a mischievous glint in his eyes, but that fear is restricting, persistent, it won't leave. al terrifies him. he sees how he is with luca, how good he is, how he is now. patient and with a warm presence, and alois won't dare move out from under the table because he can't understand how people can be so good.
it's not unlike hannah. he doesn't understand people like her or al and they're the most horrifying, because of their softness, their abundant patience, and because alois is a child who expects to be brutally reprimanded when he's made someone unhappy or told he's 'beautiful,' before being thrown aside.
he's disgusting. ]
I'm vulgar. I have such terrible hands, they've done a lot of terrible things. I shouldn't be— ... I hate it when things stop moving. I hate my terrible hands, I'm really.
[ conveying things is difficult! ]
I didn't want to be the only one who can't look at the sky, and I was— I'm fucking angry, I can't stop— I can't punish Claude, and it's a bird, and my hands are awful, I'm really awful.